Happy Christmas


Do you all remember when ol’ Pope Julio, the first of his name, declared Jesus’s official birthday as Dec. 25th? It was like 1700 years ago, but feels like it was just yesterday.

I mean, it’s not easy shaming a group of people out of their Roman Bacchanalia/Saturnalia or the Yule Feast of the Norse countries.

Ah, the good old days when morality and fear were mixed into a fine blend, and poured down the gullets of sweet unsuspecting folk… This was back before ‘The 1%’ lorded their riches over the 99%. It was a much more supportive and equal time where ‘The 4%’ lorded their land and titles over the 96%.

At least in this holiday season we can lower our heads in a moment of gratitude and exaltation towards the stalwart evergreen tree. A pagan symbol that was lovingly and/or violently co-opted by the¬†Christian faith – because…they knew ‘better’ – and wanted to distract from ‘the popular girl’ so Christianity could grab a few dances during the Winter Sock-hop.

It’s a beautiful symbol, and always makes me think of that traditional Christmas tale where the goddess Cybele had a thing for the mortal Attis – but he rejected her, and the goddess turned him crazy. Then, as one often does when crazy, he climbed a mountain and castrated himself at the foot of a pine tree.

I’m the sensical turtle, and I’m a Christmas Unicorn.

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