Setbacks and Contemplation


It’s all too easy to assign cosmic significance to mundane events. Then again, who am I to either confirm OR deny if and/or when any event is a piece to a bigger puzzle?

There have been times in my life when everything I was capable of perceiving seemed to carry me along in one particular direction. Not ‘fate’ or ‘pre-destination’ – but rather a sort of wave of influence, pushing and tumbling, keeping me moving along the most obvious of paths.

These were not good or bad times necessarily – they just were. They fade into memory as largely irrelevant times, despite the sheer quantity of time these unremarkable phases have taken up in my life.

No, it’s the times of dramatic confluence, like now, when I feel in the midst of a metamorphic cacophony of chaos, that I begin to question how matters align (or don’t) – and to be honest, it’s a struggle not making everything in existence, all about me – even if just for a moment.

I rarely seem to understand when it’s best to be silent and soak in the wisdom of perspective, versus when it’s best to acknowledge that there are times when I can claim my importance in this life – that I am remarkable, unique, and worthy of not just happiness and contentment…but of dynamic love, creative explosions of force, sweet whispers of divine providence, and starlight-fueled collisions of past, present, and future.

To misquote ET Bell – time does, indeed, make fools of us all…only I am just now realizing this is not necessarily about LINEAR time. I’m really feeling my transdimensionality tonight, and I ache in ‘real’ time as I feel the radiant glow of the past and future.

Bell was right about the whole ‘being a fool’ though – there is a part of me…a seed of passion, potential, love, excitement, depth, and unbridled humor – and that seed is locked in the prettiest little puzzle box you ever did see.

So, on the surface, it may seem like every time I stumble through a seemingly coincidental catastrophe, that it is some divine being showing disapproval in who I am, and what I hope for – but the reality is that I am so close to really understanding what it means to love myself – and from there I untether the impossible.

In some ways I need to acknowledge that I’m out-of-shift with my potential in this particular life…but even in the midst of that pain, it’s still extraordinary that I would somehow be granted mere minutes of wonder and bliss that may seem casually mundane to some – but I recognize those moments as windows into a perfection that my heart has been yearning for, over countless ages.

I know, I know, I’m a hapless time/dimensional romantic. Classic JD. The present may be a tiny slice of a black hole, penetrating my gut – but despite present imperfections, I charge towards the glorious past and future of which I have been, and shall become.

I’m the sensical turtle, and I believe in a lot of people who may never know how vital they are to the unveiling of my present pathway.

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